my house

Astute readers/listeners of a verity of blogs / podcasts will have noticed that a group of people:
1 stated live near each other, and
2 live in the Puget sound area.
3 I am one of those people.

Not very helpful for hopeful stalkers. I, of course, support all hobbies so long as they don’t hurt any one in any way, so I decided to tell you a bit about my house.

I live in an under ground volcano. Not just under the ground, or on a volcano, or even under a volcano (like many evil creatures and people. It is too cliché). No, I live in an underground volcano, as in the volcano is under ground , and I live in it.

Now, you may be asking yourself, how does he live in an underground volcano, is he not human. The I am indeed human, and I can live under my volcano because the volcano is special. See, my volcano, rather than giving off sulfurous gasses or noxious fumes, bubbles oxygen, with a bit of nitrogen, helium and hydrogen, with small traces of other elements, with minimal contaminants. that’s right, air. In fact it is even purer than the air that is available above ground.

The next question I’m sure you have is, how does he see. Well, there are tow answers, the first is rather mundane (for a volcano), the magma is so hot, it emits a red glow. The other half is another thing that makes my volcano special. There are many, oh so many, glowing fungi, that populate the walls and roof of my enormous cavern. They are much like stars, only brighter, and the fade completely, without being replaced by a sun, every twelve hours or so. For indoor locations (not the enormous cavern), the rocks glow, but only in the presence of outside air, all I have to do is close the windows and the rocks stop glowing.

And the third question that I know that you are burning to ask (my prognostication skills are paying off. For those of you who say that you where not burning to ask this question, know this: you where in your subconscious). How do I get to the surface to buy groceries? Well, I do not actually need groceries, see, across the lake of magma, there is a farm, run by a nice old man named mr. jib. He provides me with a wide variety of foods, some from above ground, and some that only grow below the surface. In return, I give him special rocks that only I know how to find. Despite this, I still need to go to the surface every now and again, and for this, I us an old lava tube. I am lifted up, and lowered down by a couple of mystical, and ancient, rabbits, the two Easter bunnies of world renown. They are not available for this service on the day leading up to Easter, so you will have to spelunk a mile down to see me. I advise waiting.

(as for the thing about stalkers, I am not really that fond of them. Please, if you are a stalker, only stalk small animals, and only long enough to tap them on the head with a small stick, then run away.)