chocolate

All the people of the land of gelp love chocolate. All of them. All of the people down at the market knew this, and the made the best chocolate in the land. This made the people happy, and the kept buying the chocolate that the candy guild made.

Then there was the candy man. He was not a jolly candy maker, but was a vile, despicable person. Rather than make real candy, he made fake candy, like mocklate. No one liked his candy, and no one bought his candy. This made him bitter, and cruel. One day he hatched an evil plan.

A few weeks later, queen mauve was eating her chocolate. Something was wrong. She couldn’t quite place it. It was greasy, and didn’t taste right, and didn’t melt the way chocolate was supposed to. She didn’t really know why, but this wasn’t good chocolate, but she didn’t let that bother her. She was not alone. All throughout the land of gelp, people found their chocolate to be bad. Some complained. Most just shrugged and went about their day.

Slowly, the rate of heart attacks went up. And slowly, the national average for obesity went up to. Kids got fatter, adults got fatter, and across every age and demographic group, more people died. Soon the entire land of gelp went from its cheery self, to a pallid and sickly people, bereft of laughter.

As this worsened, more people died, until the crops where unattended, and cows just died in their fields, feral cats roamed across the land, and travelers hurried along, eager do get to the next town, and many avoided the land of gelp entirely. After a few years, the only surviving woman in the land of gelp died. All that was left was a ghost town, through which no one traveled, nor even set foot in for a thousand years.


What was the candied man’s eldritch plan? He replaced all of the chocolate with mocklate. All he had to do wall give the candy makers hydrogenated oils instead of coco butter to reak havoc on the town. Fortunetly, this will never happen, as the candied man never formulates his mischievous plan, and the land of gelp remained a merry and happy place for many milenia.


Unfortunaly, this is happening in America. For those of you who don’t live in America, you can tune out for the rest of this post, for those who do, take notes! The F.D.A., who regulates what can be called, and thus sold as, chocolate. They are considering changing the deffanition of chocolate to no longer require coco butter to make. While I don’t consider the land of gelp to be an allegory for the united states, this very well could happen to us! DO NOT LET THE F.D.A. MESS WITH OUR CHOCOLATE!!!! Contact them right now! just follow this link to comlane directly to the F.D.A. or click here to learn more.



for the sake of your chocolate, you country, the people you love, all that is good and holy in the world, and you god(s)(if chocolate is not one of them) tell the F.D.A. to relax the restrictions on our chocolate! do not delay!!!