how to keep your locker god happy

as it turns out, my prognostication methods need some fine tuning. i dug up this old piece i wrote in or around september.

In all lockers there dwells a god. Not a large god, and not a god for monotheists, but a god nonetheless. This god’s form changes according to the beliefs of the locker user. This god can be male, female, or none of the above.

This god owns the locker. There is a different god for each locker. Your godly beliefs and favors will travel with you, be nice to you seventh grade god, and, just like karma, you r deeds will automatically travel to your next locker god.

Your locker god should be kept happy. Talking to it, or leave it offerings will accomplish this. Happiness on the part of you god is beneficial to you. When your god is happy, it will spread its happiness to other gods. These gods could be god, the gods of you grades, or paycheck, or any other deity or demigod who may be near by, in cosmic terms. The gods of you grades (or paycheck) dwell wherever grades (or paycheck) are kept, regardless of the system, computes, file cabinets, and all the rest are under their purvey. when happy, the gods of your grades/paycheck they keep might “accidentally” change your grades/paycheck up a percent or two.

Offerings to your locker god can be anything that will fit in that locker. The offering should be of some value to you, but does not have to be a sacrifice. Hand made offerings are preferable, as it shows you put some time and effort into your god and shows that you must like it. Don’t put to much stuff in your locker, not even deities like clutter. Change you offerings every so often. Let the god appreciate it, then swap out the old stuff with now stuff. Be creative! Gods get hungry, so feed them. Food can be either healthy meals, or candies (chocolate is good). Change the food every week or so, when the god is done eating it.