drivel

banzai

2008-08-10T20:08:00.003Z

It has been long time since update! I have discovered this wonderful show, Bonzai. It is a British Parody of a Japanese game show. watch and be amazed!

d.c. log epdate one.

2008-06-22T22:54:00.000Z

thursday:
so, travel. pretty standard. rode a plane. boring.
first day, stayed in the gaylord national resort . it's huge. it's like disney land or vegas w/o the fun/strippers. watch the video on their webpage to see what I mean. not much happened. it was an accounting convention.

friday.
we left the resort. again, not much happened. we arrived at the J.W. Mariott hotel. right in the thick of the action.

saturday:
we went to the national museum of history (also known as the museum of liberal pinko commies evolutionists.) it is a good visit. lots of dead things. some rocks. big diamond . I also found conclussive proofe of time travelers!

dsc00165

this survival kit was discovered at a digsite in the arizona desert (pictured left). geological records and radiological dating prooved that this kit had been burried for over 45,000 years. we went to the whitehouse. got attacked by a small flock of ferral segways.

dsc00189

coming up next:
the national air and space museum.

p.s. internet connection is failing... pictures to follow!

anuncio

2008-05-12T04:23:00.002Z

again, it has been a while since I have posted...

polvo milagro from ja'son on Vimeo.
I made this for my spanish class. it translates roughly like this:

need a miracle? try miracle powder!
miracle powder is good for good, pets and more
it is easy to use. put on your problem and watch
we put miracle powder in water, and seconds later it was wine
look at these photos
this sandwich is better after using miracle powder
it is impossible to find a better product than miracle powder!
testimonial: I have used miracle powder, and now my life is better. if you use it, you won't have cancer or any other disease!
buy miracle powder now!

apologies on the grammar, I was rather rushed and didn't get enough time for editing...

more ad rant.

2008-03-23T23:01:00.003Z

right, even more rants about advertisements.

linky

Kellogg produces a brand of protein water. Ignoring the fact that it isn't as healthy as they claim, and the fact that purified nutrients usually taste disgusting (try eating protein powder), the name is what stands out to me. They call it K₂O. this bugs me. I know they are going for the H₂O thing, but corporations, and the american public just don't seem to get that that is a chemical formula. Now, I am not a chemist, but by changing even one Atom, you get a vastly different substance. Now, K₂O really bugs me (more than the other Blank2O names usually do), because that is the chemical formula for potassium oxide. now, potassium oxide kinda EXPLODES when you put it in water (it actually decomposes rapidly giving off heat, but Explode just has so much more... umpf to it).

happy easter!

2008-03-23T19:46:00.002Z

happy resurection day for yahweh's zombie son/pedofilic magical rabit (why else would it give kandy to children?) day!

there is a 'this day in alternate history' episode that was perfect for this, but I don't want to dig it up.

class rings

2008-03-18T04:05:00.002Z

today we had a salesman come around and try to sell us class rings. my immediate thought was that I wouldn't be buying one, not much of a jewelry/fondly remember my high-school years person. the salesman, being fairly good, wooed into considering it. Upon searching the catalogue, I found that the vast majority of the rings were fairly expensive, in the range of two to six hundred dollars. You could choose what metal you wanted your ring to be made of (white lustrium, gold lustrium, platinum, white gold, gold). now, lustrium had a little ® next to it, so I decided to do some digging. One thing lead to another, and this is what I have:
The rings at our school are provided by Jostens. they provide class rings to thousands of schools throughout the country. because they no doubt serve millions of students, you know that your ring is customized and unique to you. they have five plants just to handle their printing (though they do some custom printing). they where founded in the 1800's and have been making rings for over 80 years. I then dug around Jostens trying to see what kind of corporation they where like. this is in no way exhaustive, and I didn't even look at environmental track record, but they make all of their products in the U.S, and they have a fairly good track record as far as compliance with labour laws are concerned.
anyway, about Lustrium. I found that Lustrium is an alloy of nickel and Chromium, and a small amount of gold if it is of the yellow variety. I looked up the going price of nickel these days, and If I did my calculations correctly (supposing that each ring is 24 pennyweights worth of metal), then the metal in each $70 ring costs about two cents. that might be wrong, and it doesn't count "craftsmanship", but that seems like a good profit margin to me. nickel allergy is also somewhat common in my family (maternal), so that seamed like a bad idea.
final thought, most all of the rings available are gaudy in my opinion. they are either huge, and overly crammed with information (11 letters for the mascot, a picture of a mascot, highsschool name including the word High-school, a four digit graduation year and another symbol of your choice (such as debate or basketball) does not go on a ring without looking cramped. If they stuck it in as a QR code, that would be cool, but in plain-text, not so much) for most of the male models, or tiny and lacy for some of the female ones. there were very few plain metal bands with some letters in them.

bottom line, still not buying a ring. I might try to make my own though, that could be a fun project.

more commercial.

2008-03-14T07:25:00.002Z

the ad is here

I hate to link to KFC's web-a-ma-page, but I was to lazy to find the video elsewhere. anywho, A) disregard the massage and buy nothing from them, and B) notice the direction of the grill about halfway through. the lines run front to back, but the lines on the "food" run right to left (or left to right). this is proof that they don't toast their subs, all they do is pretend to heat them, and use artificial colors to simulate the browning.

next up:

doe they realy think that they can make sticking it to the man equal buying sprint stuff. sprint is a huge telecom, and the U.S. telecoms are probably the manliest men to be sticking it to.

maybe my little blog thing will become a advert critique site. who knows?

britian

2008-03-14T00:30:00.001Z

brittish culture (kinda). learn, ye, and be enlightened!

happy net box

2008-03-09T19:42:00.003Z

just tryin' out my new happy net box. feel free to browse the net through my webpage. there is no need to leave drivel ever! none! whatsoever! well, unless you want to see the right half of the web, then you'll have to go and download some sort of web browser, and install it on your hard drive, and learn how to operate it. that would take alot of work. so you should just stay here. besides it is only a matter of time before comcast starts to bandwidth throttle the right half of the web anyway. it's comcastic!

American society.

2008-03-08T07:32:00.001Z

what does this say about american society?

arizona

2008-02-18T16:15:00.008Z

My family and I went/are going to Arizona. I won’t have constant, in home Internet access, but there are plenty of coffee shops and the like, so I will try to keep everybody informed.

Day 0; travel.

Not much to say, it’s an airport. We flew out of SeaTac, and ultimately got to Tuscan.

Self-portrait in glass barrier. Like the hat?

This is a pictures of a large piece of art above the food court. Great example of both a three dimensional display and how pixels do not have to be a particular shape. This is a picture of a bird with its reflection. The image is made of thousands of fish hung from the ceiling.

Comparing prices between 15 minuets of Internet hookup in a “mobile office” and a shoeshine. I estimate that they cost about the same per minuet. Scary, no?

Day 1: did we leave Seattle?

Right, so if anyone has been paying attention to the Tuscan weather, it is gray, with rain, and chilly (about 50º F). It feels like we didn’t leave the northwest. Not much happened, we mostly recuperated from getting in from our flight at 1:00 in the mourning. Because of the weather, we mostly just stayed in side. Went to a restaurant. This was out back:

I am not sure what to make of this, but I am a little frightened of a restaurant that has. The fact I ate there doesn’t make it better. That being said, it did taste good.

Day 2; caves and more!
Weather update:

These was taken on highway tenen rout to the kartchner caves. Seriously, snow? What’s up with that?

Anyway, We went to the kartchner caves. Turns out that re reserved the tickets for two days from now, but we still managed to get in (yay!). while we waited, we went to tombstone. Lots of history, but it was all exploited for profit.

When the new meats the old, and decides to incorperate.

We then returned to the caves, and I was not allowed to take pictures as we can’t take anything in. find out more here .

Day 3:DeGrazia.
We went to see DeGrazia’s gallery in the sun. it is a museum of sorts. Hand made out of materials such as cactus parts and mud. It also has cement and the like. It is well worth seeing. Not much else happened.

meta.

2008-01-26T06:08:00.000Z

*blows off dust.*

been a while. recently I have had to play in the band at basketball games in the pep band. this recently lead to my new idea: meta-chearleeding. you cheer the cheer leaders. just in case they should falter in the fan's time of need.
further, valentine's day is approaching. last year I gave out those chalky heart candies hot glued to plastic spoons. this year I am still working out what exactly I will do, but I do have one idea. and with this, I assign it to you. write a love poem. it must be designed to work for everyone, men and women, nothing specific enough to limit. people. sign it either from a secret admirer or someone else. leave it where people will find it, and then enjoy the chaos. post theme in the comments (or on your blog or wherever). good luck!

no real posts until the end of finals.

xmas post

2007-12-27T00:15:00.000Z

Right, so this is my post-xmas assignment for you. There is a good chance that you got a cheque from your old second auntie for [insert holiday], here is what to do with it. We've all heard the stories of idiots at the checkout stand who refused to take a two dollar bill. These people are thankfully rare. Go find them. Your odds might be slightly better if you use the 1979-81 (and again in '99) Susan B. Anthony 1$ silver coin. Cash your check in two doller bills and/or suisie b's and see who rejects them. Confusing the Susan B. Anthonys with quarters does not count. This'le probably be limited to fry-cooks from the new "iGeneration (or whatever the hell we're calling it)", but you can still laugh at them! Kudos to anyone who gets this to happen, super Kudos for video of it on [insert video hosting web-a-ma-page]!

good luck and god's speed!

homework.

2007-12-17T00:32:00.001Z

doin' homework (probably will be until winter break).

in the mean time, here is a wonderful alarmist piece about the cold war . very well done. listen and be amazed (or not. depends on weather or not you already knew about this).

S.A.D.

2007-12-09T23:30:00.000Z

a problem faced by atheists/agnostics/people who just want to be fair in supporting all viewpoints is: what do you do with all of the "god" phrases. for example "oh my god" or "god damn you" or "god forbid...". one option is to not use them, but that is just plain boring and not fun. I vote that "god" gets replaced with "Secular Alternative Deity" or "SAD". "oh my S.A.D." "S.A.D. damn you" "S.A.D" forbid!" you get the idea.

if people have better ideas lets me know, and start using them!

Lord of the Flies

2007-12-04T06:27:00.000Z

It's been a while since my last post, and I apologize. anywhey, here is a cop-out post that is a small piece of homework. In my english class, we hod to decide what each of four major Characters in William Golding's Lord of the Flies where most afraid of. this is my submission for jack:

Jack's deepest, darkest fear is fruit. On multiple occasions, Jack tries to hunt pigs rather than eat fruit. While this may make sense as a tactic later in the book because he has been on an island for a while, Jack starts talking of hunting in the very first chapter (p. 23). Jack also leads a preemptive strike against the terrible tyranny that is fruit by burning the forest, as he was in control of the placement of the fire, as is indicated when “jack clamored among them” (p. 38). As Jack has physically harmed fruit, and gone to great lengths to avoid consuming fruit, it is obvious that he must fear it.

alarm clock

2007-11-16T02:53:00.000Z

I just fond the most awesome* alarm clock ever. the the thunderbolt . This bad boy/girl puts out about 126 decibels at a distance of 100 feet. a few caveats though: 1) you will violate a noise ordinance. (full stop) 2) depending on where you live and if that area still uses these, you may be committing worse felonies. 3) they are expensive, and rather high maintenance.

here is a recoding of one.

*when I say awesome, I mean having the power to invoke awe.

another thing to think about in the wonderful world of polotics.

2007-10-11T03:33:00.000Z

I would like to share what I just found: the pirate party . I'll let you reed about it, but it sounds like a party who's ideals I can get behind.

new words

2007-10-09T14:38:00.001Z

I just created the bust adjective ever. neoflangic. having the properties of a new flange. as in "the new garbage compactor has a neoflangic feel to it." now you try. create a new sentence with "neoflangic" in it.

on a different note, I i'll blog (on this blog) everyday. if nothing else, I will blog about why I can't blog.

i'm back...

2007-09-25T02:37:00.000Z

from California. Went to an angels vs. mariners (baseball) game (we won), ate deep fried ice cream, and found a geocache (yay). I also started working on the adventures of galstad, but I still have much work to do before anything is net-worthey. I am working out much of the sock universe (presently genders, but social dynamics, education, religion etc. will come soon) I will post this on my (not yet created) drivel spin-off blog. now, say it with me; "hooray!!"

fight the power!

2007-09-07T22:14:00.001Z

If your aren't outraged, you haven't bean paying attention.

name change.

2007-08-25T20:23:00.000Z

For those who don't know, my name is Jason.

last year, I decided to spell it with an okina because I could.

I hove decided to change it again this year. like last year, I am polling people to see what they think about it. please comment here, and vote in the pole.

the options are:

1 Iason.

this is the greek spelling of Jason. from Iason and the argonauts.

2 Ia'son.

same, but with an okina in it.

3 J'son.

lacking the "a".

4 Ja'slon.

because every sci-fi thing ends in a consonant and then "lon".

set background to 6f0!

2007-08-21T19:48:00.000Z

I have set my background to grue.
Please comment on it.

virtual pet rock.

2007-08-15T05:45:00.000Z

I just aquired a new pet rock! this one is a virtual one! w00t! my life has bean enhanced so much, I feal so much more alive!
you should go and download one yourself! mine is named vladimir!

real quick 3

2007-08-13T06:51:00.000Z

1) Participate in the general strike this coming september eleventh, if you live in the u.s. (The u.s. does not deserve capitals anymore.)

2) Be on the look out for Udumbara, they should/are showing up. Budhism is an awesome religion.

real quick: 2

2007-08-07T06:55:00.000Z

your opinion counts: pine-cone!

at the ball game.

2007-08-03T06:30:00.001Z

you wake up on a lazy monday afternoon, four you have partied hard the night before, and jump out of bead eagerly. you rush about doing all the things that one does in the morning. you then go forth into the world,, and meet your pa at a predetermined, non-disclosed location (henceforth known as "work"), and embark on an epic quest to the ball game. you are not entirely sure which game that may be, as there are many games that involve balls, but you are confidant that you have played it before as you are well versed in sports. after taking your seat, you pa hands you a bag of crackerjacks, which you tare open greedily, and begin to eat. you then promptly choke on a small lamp and a genie comes out.

"I will grant yo three wishes, puny human." says the genie.

here is my question to you: what three wishes do you wish for?

mine are(encrypted in rot13 so as to not influence you. please come up with your list, then decrypt to reed):
1) gung nyy zl jvfurf ner rkrphgrq va gur znaare gung V vagraq gurz gb or, abg yvgrenyyl, jvgu gur bcgvba bs orvat erfpvaqrq ng nal gvzr, rvgure zl zr be nabgure vaibyirq cnegl, gb or ercynprq jvgu nabgure, rdhnyyl inyvq jvfu sbe zl qvfcbfny, vapyhqvat guvf jvfu orvat tvira evtug abj.
2)na vasvavgr jvfurf bs rdhny inyvqvgl gb gurfr guerr, gb or hfrq ng nal gvzr.
3)gur novyvgl gb tenag bgure'f jvfurf ng jvyy, va na rdhny znaare nf gur grezf naq pbaqvgvbaf ynvq bhg va gurfr guerr.

please post your three wishes here, then reed mine.

army navy surplus store

2007-07-31T22:29:00.000Z

I just got back from the Army & Navy Surplus store. This was my first real experience in one, and I would like to share some comments on it.

First off: the loot. For just under twelve dollars, I bought: 1 (one) ammo can, 2 (two) different dental tools, and 1 (one) shiny brass button.

Ammo can($5.99): for those who don't know what an ammo can is, let me explain. Imagine a metal lunch box. the kind with the latch on the side. Now imagine a metal lunch-box designed to carry hundreds of lethal objects capable of taking a mans head off from 50 meters, that is completely waterproof with and could probably be dropped off of a plain (at altitude) without a parachute, get mauled by a black bear, and then tumbled along the bottom of a river and still keep your new Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows nice and dry. In short, a musty smelling super-lunch-box-on-steroids. It makes the ultimate geocache.

Dental tools($1.99 each): small tools designed for dental use (but you already knew that.) the ones I bought make a good torsion wrench and a good tool for detailed clay work. If you ever need lockpicking tools on the cheep, go and get these

shiny brass button (about 75¢): It's shiny and small. I like small shiny things.

as for the store itself, it was awesome (literally, it inspired awe.) there where many fun things there. In my opinion, any store that will sell you a gas mask, a ghillie suit, and a month's worth of MREs is the best shop ever!

static analysis

2007-07-27T23:21:00.001Z

The Economist ran a static analysis on the number of blades in disposable safety razors and concluded that the number of blades would reach infinity by 2015. I support it, you could take it apart and have an infinite amount of razors available for use! w00t!

Cthulhu '08

2007-07-27T22:55:00.001Z

my first ever program

2007-07-25T01:16:00.000Z

I made this simple " game " thing using scratch.

Hooray, my first ever "program!"

scratch

2007-07-24T06:51:00.000Z

I was just playing around in scratch. It's fun and easy, and seams like a great intro to programing. Check it out, yo!

me as a simpson

2007-07-19T19:16:00.001Z

didn't quite work the first time.

there we go.

this was done at simpsonizeme.

once-a-day

2007-07-18T06:52:00.000Z

I would like to start another blog that involves me doing something everyday. could be anything, so long as it meats the following requirements:

1) must be easy enough to do that I can do it once a day, even with homework.

2) must be versatile enough that I con be creative with it.

3) I must be able to do it for an entire year (366 days, next year is a leap year)

an example that would work splendidly would be haiku. this is easy enough that I could throw one together even on the most homework cramiest of nights, but I could also get creative with it, and be able to produce 366 of them.

If you have any ideas, please enlighten me. I am sure I will settle on something.

blogs I found.

2007-07-18T06:35:00.000Z

Here are two more blogs I have found.

skull a day. fun blog of a guy making a new skull everyday.

lurking rhythmically interesting blog written by a discordian

title granting.

2007-07-16T02:35:00.000Z

I do herby bequeath upon jeremy of ruhlandpedia the honorary title of:

Assistant to the King of Island Number 2 on Devil's lake.

*taps shoulders with long, thin object*

This is effective immediately, and is not reversible, though you may choose to not present this title at your own discretion.

Congratulations on obtaining this title, as you have beaten many potential applicants (upwards of six billion humans an several trillion other sentient species) to ascertaining this title. *shakes hand, or other appropriate appendage as per social requirements of recipient*

yours sincerely,

His magnificently whimsicle newfangled autostereogram, lieutenant Commander Pope Ja’son marrowfat pharmacophore the marsupialized murid eating palmiped, high lord chairmen of wibbly strudel in the misty river, grand high master pope of the nova-condenseian order.

my thaughts over the last week or so.

2007-07-15T01:39:00.000Z

I have not posted for a while now. I appologise. However, this should be about the length of several posts that I was going to post during the time I was not posting. so, here we go:

1)

Today, I will discuss a seemingly ubiquitous, an I assume, often ignored item: the milk jug. The following are a list of attributes about the run of the mill milk jug. As far as I can tell, the design seams more or less standard in the U.S., with the exception of a couple of minor differences.

A picture of the milk jug I am observing. Note the little indent in the side. it is prevelant on two adjacent sides, the other two have stickers with information and advertising. The bottle is made of some sort of plastic, and much of it hase a pitted, rough look.

A picture of the lid. it can screw onto the mouth of the jug. There are ridges on the sides to facilitate easy gripping and turning.

While not in use, the cap is held in place by this ring. The ring serves to prove that the bottle has not been opened. To open it, the (towards the top) is used to rip the rest of the ring off.

The ring has 4 small indentations along the outside, spaced evenly. These indentations are easy to tear.

When torn entirely, the ring makes four equally lengthed strips, and one more equally lengthed strip plus a tab. Each strip has 7 ridges on it, totaling 35 ridges for a complete ring.

Other asorted observations
1) the tab has a skinny section which is slightly skinnier than the ring, and a fat section, the same width as the ring. both sections are of equal length.
2)the handle is in the upper section, which facilitates easier pouring.
It would appear that someone, or someones, put a great deal of time into designing the these simple objects. To these someones: good job, and thank you. One slight criticism, the handle should extend to the middle of the jug, so that the hand can be positioned at the balance point of the bottle, thus allowing for easier carrying.

This may help as a small insight into my mind.

2)
I have bean fibbing about my age recently. Not out of vanity, I am quite comfortable with my age, but for fun. See, I have bean fibbing to computers, saying that I was born in 1910 just to see what happened. One of the places I tried this was at facebook. I was attempting to find frank key's page, but, alas, one must register to do so. I stated that I was borne in 1910, making me 97 years old. however, face book turned me down, saying I must use my real age. probably something about saying I was still a sophomore in high school (grade 10). Then I tryed saying I was 5 years old (born 2002), and was flat out rejected. fortunately, they are no longer I.P. blocking my computer...

I tried this on blogger as well. I have stated that I was born on january 1^st 1. I checked my profile, and it stated I had the chinese zodiac sigh of a rat. Enraged, I furiously changed the year the appropriate amount to match my zodiac sign. It still stated I was a rat. I was surprised that their program for finding the zodiac sign was incorrect at that time. If anyone knows the exact year it stops working, please tell me.

3) I went camping in the north cascades on thursday, and came back today, saturday. I had a good time, did some nice hikes, good weather, pretty views etc. etc.

what I want to talk about are some of the people I met there. One of the services offered by the park is ranger talks about various aspects of the park. These take place at dusk, and are generally slide shows. I watched one on hydroelectric power. I learned nothing new, but enjoyed myself nonetheless. the speaker was a very good speaker, good rhythm, fun to listen to, that kind of thing. Afterward, my mom struck up a conversation with some nice people from my area, who lived only a few blocks away. They where impressed with my "brilliance." an I learned something

People are easily impressed. All I had to do was unexpectedly flash the word "bio-mass," and give a correct definition, to Impress them. So, for all you low self esteme people, reed a few chapters out of a science book, go out into the world, and recite it.

allow me to eat a sugar packet before continuing with my next topic.

mmmm... crunchy. thank you for that. incidentaly, my prefered brand of sugar for eating raw is "sugar in the raw."

4) harry potter predictions

For those not paying attention, the last Harry Potter book is coming out.

my prediction: Hagrid dies! why? well, we have been promised a character death, and Hagrid qualifies. It would also be sad.

5) bent objects

Readers may have noted the "next blog" link in the upper left hand corner of my blog. I encourage you to use it. An excellent blog I found using this is bent objects

no review or anything, but check it out, the guy does fun stuff with wire and everyday objects.

7)
I recently got a wonderfull new desk. It is about 8 ft long. Here are some pictures

my new desk, with starburst for size.

and finally, a cookie to those who noticed that number 6 is missing.

one final word (with punctuation): pants.

gone campin'

2007-07-12T15:54:00.000Z

Im gone campin' be back saturday maybe.

Truth Rests

2007-07-08T20:00:00.000Z

I have finally uploaded my novella.

you can download it herecourtasy of DivShare. Have fun!

On a side note: I distribute all of my content under the humorous "Kopyleft: all rights reversed." This means that you are free to distribute it, change it etc. All I ask is that you don't do it for money, and leave my name on it. I do this because I believe that information should be free. So, give this to all your friends, translate it into yiddish, translate it back just to see what happens, write a sequel, or an alternate ending, or slash fiction between Prince edward and Charles, just tell me about it, 'cuz I want to reed that.

To get the ball rolling on this, I used babelfish to translate the text of the story into dutch and back to english. this is the result. If you want the original text of the document, just let me know.

our smoke bomb.

2007-07-06T04:28:00.000Z

Jeremy of Ruhlandpedia got together and made a smoke bomb for independance day. The final process that we used was:

10 mix sugar into elmers glue
20 mix stump remover (potasium nitrate) into glue/sugar thingy
30 lay to dry on a paper towel.
40 cram paper towel and mixture into paper cup.
50 when ready to light, cover in alchohal and light.
60 watch.

Now, on with the pictures.

videos of it burning will be up soons!

a picture is worth a thousand words.

2007-07-03T21:42:00.000Z

We have all heard that a picture is worth a thousand words. (for those who have not, say "a picture is worth a thousand words" aloud. If you are deaf, just read it.) I agree with this statement. I am sure that a picture of, say, my desk could easily garner one thousand words. But, I doubt that a grainy, out of focus picture of an unremarkable floor could get as many words as the pulitzer prize winner for 2006 . This leeds to the disturbing conclusion that not all photographs are worth 1000 words. Perhaps, they average to 1000 words, where verbose photographs are balanced out by the shy ones.

This lead me to an epiphany. Pictures with higher resolution would probably tend to have more words than ones with less, simply because there is more detail to talk/write about. Therefore, a monitor that displays pictures with higher resolution than one with a lower resolution would tend to gather more words. while they average out to be 1000, one could have 1020 while the other has 980. This leeds me to my next conclusion, that monitors, televisions etc. could be rated by the number of words on average that they get. This ranking system would be an easy way for consumers to know how a television ranked against other televisions.

Think how much easier "1100 words" is for the average consumer than "1080 i 30 in. panoramic L.C.D. flat-panel H.D.T.V." Sure, there is less finesse, but think how much more efficient it is. Also remembering that half of america is even more stupid than the average american, this could be a godsend to the costumer service and sales industries.

my name (update #1)

2007-07-02T20:42:00.000Z

I am adding lieutenant Commander to my name, placed just before "Ja'son". My name is now:

His magnificently whimsicle newfangled autostereogram, lieutenant Commander Ja’son marrowfat pharmacophore the marsupialized murid eating palmiped, high lord chairmen of wibbly strudel in the misty river, grand high master pope of the nova-condenseian order.

see here for a breakdown of my many names and titles.

burn notice and ducks.

2007-07-02T18:13:00.000Z

So, I watched the series premier of the show "burn notice" and that means... another Drivel review!!! (wooo!!! yay!!! wooo!)

burn notice is about a spy, Michel Westen, who gets "burned." Our hero then returns to Miami and becomes a private detective. While I prefer not to judge shows until a minimum of 5 episodes, preferably 10, have passed, I will give an initial review.

The show is occasionally interrupted with a voice over from our main character. These interruptions are often sarcastic and/or sardonic. I found them to be entertaining and fun. Another thing I liked was his lack of weapons. Sure, there are guns, but michel doesn't get a "Q" character to supply him with the latest and greatest. He has to make do with supplies from the local hardware store, or what he can steel. This brings up a fair amount of hacking (the good "get stuff to do stuff it wasn't intended to" kind, not the "crack into and cripple a computer" kind). The hacker attitude of Michel gets bonus points, as does the line "Don't fight with guns. Guns make you stupid. Fight with duct tape. Duct tape makes you smart."

Bottom line: a good show with wit, and a few fun hacks. 5 candy wrappers/check plus

On a side note: RUBER DUCKS!!!

In 1992 (my birth year...) over 29,000 rubber ducks where accidentally released into the ocean in a shipping accident. Ever since then, they have been giving scientists information on the currents of the ocean. They are now expected to land in brittain. I would like to give a shout-out to our fadded yellow, rubbery friends! Thank you for all you have given us.

Also, a nice rewarad is in place for anyone who finds one and can send it to the company who made them. Happy hunting.

fireworks.

2007-07-01T21:16:00.000Z

so, the 4^th of July is aproching. For those (un)lucky enough to not be in the U.S.A.(worst country name ever I might add. so uncreative.) the 4^th is our suposed "independance day" when we "gained" independance from britain. We did not actualy gain independance for some time, but nonetheless, this is when we celebrate.

one of the most important (in my opinion) of these celebrations is fireworks. The 4^th is one of two premeir firework holidays, the other being new years. For those outside the U.S. substitute your own firework holiday, such as Guy Fawkes day. Fireworks are launched at shows, or on private property. so, for (insert time devision)'s post, I am going to talk about fireworks.

so, first off, legality. There are some basic laws that are instituted at the national level for fireworks in the U.S. Many states then add their own laws, some banning them outright. Washington state has very few fireworks laws, but this varies greatly from city to city. in the particular area that I live in, along with several others, fireworks are banned completely (though compliance with this ban is minimal.) However, there are some places where fireworks can be launched, though only on some holidays, like the 4^th.

now, onto the fireworks themselves. while many can be perchased at local fireworks stands, fireworks surpasing the federal limits can be purchased on indian reservations. An alternate to that is to make them yourselves, which you will of course not do if it is illegal to do so.
this is a resource on where to find chemicels in everyday products.
this is a resource on how to make fireworks.
and this also has chemicles and guids to fireworks
I intend to make smoke "bombs" made from 60% potassium nitrate and 40% table sugar melted together over heet. I'll need to find some sort of fuze thou...

notes:
for the "(un)lucky" thing in the first paragraph, substitute either lucky or unlucky however you see fit.

I say "we" rather than "they" when refering to the revolution because we are supposed to be filled with patriotic pride, and I fear what the N.S.A. will do to me if I am not.

frivolous eggs

2007-07-01T01:45:00.000Z

"EEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSS!" circulon 7 of the gama order yelled. Loudly. So that all could here.
"What about eggs?" asked Crylor 12 of the beta construct.
"Do you not know? EEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSS! are the gama order's most revered food stuff. Not that I would expect a minion of the beta construct to understand." replied circulon 7.
"What kind of eggs?" asked Crylor 12. "Space chicken? Human? Nova-Condenseian tree mite? What kind of egg, and why is it so important?"
"Any kind of egg will do, for it is in the heart where one's true egg-iness resides, not in ones egg." resoponded circulon 7.

END.

It is at this point that I choose to dismiss this story as frivolous and stupid. Better content to follow.

changing the rom on an e-voting machine in under 60 sec.

Ratatoullie

2007-06-29T22:21:00.000Z

I just saw Pixar's *ahem* sorry, it's Disney now, Ratatoullie. For those who don't know, it is about a psychotic (and when I say psychotic, I mean he has psychosis) rat in Paris who wants to be a chef. This means it's time for .... A DRIVEL REVIEW!!!

first off, i was disappointed that Pixar sold out to Disney. i don't like the idea of all our media being controlled by a select few corporations. It's bad that our entertainment is being controlled by people who we have no say over. Abcnnbcbs controls most of the information control in this country. Given this, you can imagine my distress when Pixar melded with Disney. Then cars came out. I did not like cars. Bad film, 'nuff said

so, Ratitoullie. Fairly good. Nice tale, plot was rather predictable, and there where the obvious "the world is a nice good place and people are all nice and good underneath if you can just expose it" kids morals. Ignoring that "would the world be better if we all had the morals of children" thing, it was a good film. the plot had more ups-and-dons-- than I expected.

The animation was good, and the rendering was awesome (for today's standards. time travel does not apply.) In my opinion there were to many chase-style scenes (lots of fast moving scenes that tare rather overwhelming. examples include: running through the sewer, being chased around the kitchen etc.)

overall review/final word/positive-negative/5: positive / 5

summer and friction

2007-06-28T23:12:00.000Z

Today, thursday, is my first full day of summer! Rejoice! With summer comes a lot of free time, and I hope to use some of that for more blogging.

So, without further ado, my summer goals/plans etc.
1) Homework. Nothing special, just some reading 'n' the like.
2) Math. I intend to skip a year of math (officialy 11^th grade) so that i will be two years ahead.
3) Stop motion. I also intend to make 5 minuets of stop motion animation, either in one or two long episodes, or several short episodes.
4) a new desk. My present desk is small and cluttered, but I plan to get a new one. I wanted something that was large, and the best I could think of was a door, so that is what I have. I chose a door because it is cheep, and is nigh on three meters long, more than enough space to spread out.

In other news, I have finnished my first novella. it is set in victorian london, and is centered around the whitechapel murders, more commonly known by the "name" of the murderer, Jack the Ripper. I will upload it as soon is I have found a nice file-sharing site that supports PDF's and does not have an expiration date. since it is a measly 200kb, file size or bandwidth limits wont be a problem.

And Finally, Friction.
I don't trust friction any farther than I can throw it, which is not that far. Recent estimates about the distance Friction can be thrown put it at about 5-7 nanometers. While I have not reviewed the test to confirm the results of the crack teem of scientist, the exact measure is irrelevant as I doubt I could throw Friction that far anyway. Even if i could throw friction several kilometers, I would still not trust it.

Allow me to explain. I do not easily trust forces. Strong and Week nuclear forces are actually fairly nice to me. They have never done wrong by me, and can be rather nice company on occasion. Strong and Week are the kind of Forces you would invite to dinner, or your brother's wedding. Normal force, while not as nice as Strong and Week, is ok, and we have no real problems with each-other. Tensional force and I tend to ignore each-other, and we went our separate ways after middle school. Applied force has bean my only real friend, and I use it daily. we have had good times together, and i would be very sad to see Applied go. Gravity and I have had a bumpy relationship, which has occasionally come to blows, but we do alright. But friction, a man (woman, child, cat or other entity) cannot trust friction to give out under his (her or its) feet (fins, paws, roots etc.).

It is just the sort of back stabbing thing one could expect from friction. one minuet you will be walking or driving or swimming along, and the next minuet you'll be stuck floating along, unable to stop yourself, save hitting things. I can't trust friction, and you are a fool if you do.

p.s. i use "man" and "his" first because they apply the best to me, though that is under some contention (to be continued, maybe.)

ethnic food.

2007-06-26T20:54:00.000Z

My apologies for the neglect over the last few days. One more day of school (sigh) before summer(!!!!!! W000t!!!)

Anyhow, onto today’s post.
I went to a Chinese restaurant for lunch yesterday. (insert things like “The food was good” and other standard compliments). This made me wonder, what is ethnic American food? Before you answer, what ever that answer is, consider this:

Ethnic food does not necessarily reflect food in that country. While ethnic food is often similar to the food in that country, the particular dish does not have to be from said country. The examples I sight for this include General Tso’s chicken and fortune cookies, neither of which came from china, and fortune cookies are from California.

Ethnic food, even when it originated in the country it claims to be from, does not need to be made of the ingredients that is was made from in that country. I understand where some ingredients would be hard to get in other countries, or difficult to sell (think grasshoppers). The examples I site for this is the ketchup that can be found in pad-Thai( if you guessed it, give yourself ten points.)

These two points lead me to conclude that American ethnic food would probably be some variant off of: deep fried Crisco and Velveeta(which could be substituted for cheese whiz.) the two could be fried separately, or mixed together served with “coca-cola” made from the effluent off the deep fryer( probably healthier for you…) I came to this because, 1) when you think of American food, it is greasy, and 2) is is unhealthy. Deep fried Crisco is the greasiest thing i can think of, and it is made on the cheep with ingredients available in other countries (i assume.)

If you disagree, please, leave a comment.

Peter Watts

2007-06-24T05:11:00.000Z

Hello all,

so, while i am not in the clear when it comes to finals, i hope to distract you with what has distracted me, that is to say the writings of Peter Watts. i strongly recommend them, as they have engrossed me for hours. They are released on a freedom friendly Creative commons license, so you can go and download them if you want to. A word of warning, they are very dark, so don't go to them if you are looking for a fun read.

Ja'son out! (whooshing noise)

2007-06-17T18:57:00.000Z

I grovel before you, oh almighty reader!!

my sincerest apologies for not updating!

time to talk about what has bean happening in these last however many days since i last updated. school is not out yet (we get out late here due to a large number of breaks, and the weather delaying school.) this means that i have finals and project galore! i have had precious little free time. this will only get worse in the upcoming week.

that being said, i went to the Freemont solstice parade, and i brought by chestcam with me! on top of that, jeremy of Jeremy's podcast brought his camera, and captured video. expect plenty of footage. there will likely be (and in fact are) several areas where footage will jump forward several minutes. this is due to the large number of nude (except for the paint) bicyclists at the event, and Vimeo does not allow nudity on their website.

summer is on the way! w00t!

in other news, i made this little guy for model making practice. tell me what you think. he is shown next to a starburst for size comparison.

also, the best explanation of net neutrality ever.

please ignore the extensive editing, it was not my fault...

jericho is back!!!

2007-06-07T04:21:00.000Z

Jericho was canceled. the fans organised, and sent in literaly tones of nuts (from a line n the last episode). but there is hope! this just in from CBS:

To the Fans of Jericho:

Wow!

Over the past few weeks you have put forth an impressive and probably unprecedented display of passion in support of a prime time television series. You got our attention; your emails and collective voice have been heard.

As a result, CBS has ordered seven episodes of "Jericho" for mid-season next year. In success, there is the potential for more. But, for there to be more "Jericho," we will need more viewers.

A loyal and passionate community has clearly formed around the show. But that community needs to grow. It needs to grow on the CBS Television Network, as well as on the many digital platforms where we make the show available.

We will count on you to rally around the show, to recruit new viewers with the same grass-roots energy, intensity and volume you have displayed in recent weeks.

At this time, I cannot tell you the specific date or time period that "Jericho" will return to our schedule. However, in the interim, we are working on several initiatives to help introduce the show to new audiences. This includes re-broadcasting "Jericho" on CBS this summer, streaming episodes and clips from these episodes across the CBS Audience Network (online), releasing the first season DVD on September 25 and continuing the story of Jericho in the digital world until the new episodes return. We will let you know specifics when we have them so you can pass them on.

On behalf of everyone at CBS, thank you for expressing your support of "Jericho" in such an extraordinary manner. Your protest was creative, sustained and very thoughtful and respectful in tone. You made a difference.

Sincerely,

Nina Tassler
President, CBS Entertainment

P.S. Please stop sending us nuts :-)

02007 northwest folklife festival.

2007-06-03T17:27:00.000Z

i went to the northwest folklife festival on monday, may 28^th i also went with my special camera rig. this is the rusulting video, curtesy of Jeremy R. of Jeremy's podcast. also fetured is rouge onion of Perfect grammer. this is it:

2007 Northwest Folk Festival from Jeremy Ruhland on Vimeo

engulfed in a see of enless work.

2007-05-31T04:38:00.000Z

i have bean completely swamped with homework, so there is little chance i will be writing in the next week or so. but all hope is not lost! if you all be good little boys and girls, and you do what you are told, i might share with you a prewritten piece created just for these times like these when my muse is being murdered slowly and painfully.

ta ta!

cranes

2007-05-30T01:23:00.000Z

much lick rouge onion of prefect-grammer , i am making 1000 cranes. i hope to 1) become realy good at making cranes thus 2) increasing my almost non existant oragomi skills. 3) i can have 1000 cranes and thus 4) brag that i made 1000 cranes. and maybe, just maybe 5) i will learn something about myself in all of the monotany.

in other news, It recently occurred to my that my name (ja’son) is pathetically under-represntative of me. So I (in conjuction with others. They will be credited when due) named myself this one. I am going to try and change my name to this officially.

His magnificently whimsicle newfangled autostereogram, ja’son marrowfat pharmacophore the marsupialized murid eating palmiped, high lord chairmen of wibbly strudel in the misty river, grand high master pope of the nova-condenseian order.

Vocabulary and significance (in that order. Defanitions are from the Oxford English dictionary):

Magnificently-- In a splendid or stately manner. Because I am.

Whimsical-- Of persons, their actions, thoughts, etc.: Full of, subject to, or characterized by a whim or whims; actuated by or depending upon whim or caprice. Also a good adjective to describe me.

Autostereogram-- A flat picture or pattern (in later use, esp. computer-generated) which can be perceived by optical illusion as a three-dimensional image when the viewer focuses in front of or behind the viewing plane. Because this name is in two special dimensions, and I am in three special dimensions.

Marrowfat-- A substance like tallow prepared by boiling down bone marrow. Because it is what you get when you submerge me in a vat of boiling water. I know from experience.

Pharmacophore-- The part of a molecule that is responsible for its characteristic pharmacological activity; a pharmacologically active group. To quote Salvador dali “I don’t do drugs, I am drugs”

Marsupialized—to convert an abscess into a pouch by adding a permanent wide opening to the exterior.

Murid—pertaining to rats

Palmiped—webed footed

Wibbly—wobbly. That’s how my mind is.

Nova-condensian—of or pertaining to nova condense.

Breakdown:
His magnificently whimsicle newfangled autostereogram—a honorific that goes before my name. it significance should be obiouse to even the most intellectually challenged reader.

ja’son—frist name.

marrowfat pharmacophore the marsupialized murid eating palmiped—last name

high lord chairmen of wibbly strudel in the misty river—tittle a story of how I earned this will follow.

grand high master pope of the nova-condensian order—tittle. Given to me by Jeremy of jeremy’s podcast .

a dream that i did not have.

2007-05-26T16:46:00.000Z

i cried to write a dream. this is what i came up with:

I Woke up in the country, and went downstairs. My wife made me waffles and I ate them with a wonderful maple syrup. Then she turned into Isaac Asimov and force fed me bagels. After that, he turned into a policeman, and my surroundings morphed into a jail cell, and the called me a murderer and he hit me with his truncheon. He hit me and hit me and I bled, I bled all over the floor, and there was a pool of blood that covered the whole room and it slowly began to rise, and the police officer drowned in it, and all I could do was watch as I bleed, and bleed, and bleed. Then I flew away and joined a bee-hive, and I busily visited flowers, and made honey. Then a giant hand comes and takes the top of the hive off and then scoops me up, and puts me in another person, and I go about my business, still as a bee, but also as a person. I visit my shop, but no one is there. After some consternation, I look over the counter, and there I am, dead. But it is not me, it is that weird guy, who sits across the road and reeds the news papers, and never does anything. Without thinking, I grab a leg of the table and break it off, and I beet him with it. But as I do so, he turns into my mom, and scolds me for being bad. And then she swallows me up in a hug, and I awaken.

sakes on a plan!

2007-05-25T14:38:00.000Z

i just read this. there is only one thing to say. wtf lawl rtflmao! on a side note, i am most certainly reading the scotsman on a regular basis. i am also going to try and get it on the list of links that come pre-installed on the school computers.

bgcolor="#03C

2007-05-25T03:58:00.000Z

i decided to quench your eyes in this nice colour.

towel day 02007

2007-05-23T16:44:00.000Z

this friday (may 25) is friday! wear a towel around your neck or something. do it. click here for more infos

chicken chicken chicken!

2007-05-23T03:54:00.001Z

cheese festival video

2007-05-22T22:54:00.000Z

well, the video for the 2007 seattle cheese festival is finally up! this is taken from my perspective. i strapped a standard digital camera to my chest and used lego to hold down the button. this was stitched together by jeremy of jeremy's blog . a big thank you to jeremy!

warning: large file! use fast internet connection!

2007 Seattle Cheese Festival from Jeremy Ruhland on Vimeo

bgcolor="#f90"

2007-05-22T02:58:00.000Z

for those who are completely oblivious and live in a fog (or those who are blind, and are reading this with those awesome special text-to-braile converters) i have changed the background color a cool new goldenrod colour.
it looks like this
this makes me feel proud as i did it by editing the html rather than using the GUI provided! w00t!please tell me what you think! please!

winning

2007-05-20T23:57:00.000Z

a while back, i shared a couple of pieces that i submitted to various competitions. and as it turns out, my fnord poem was accepted to be published. despite what makes sense, this did not make me happy. in fact, this threw me into a bad mood, which i am still in. as far as i can tell, the reason why this depressed me is this: i can't decide if this is my work, i mean truly my original work. i did not invent fnord, nor the discordian (in leu of better terms) meme regarding it. but i am fairly sure i made most of the sentences. i also don't think it is really poetry. other bonuses of publishing include 1) publicity. and 2) i can say i won something. bit the final result is that, rather than jumping up and doing the happy dance of happiness, this award made me sad. i guess we'll see how i feel in a few days (deadline is may 30^th)

in the interim, i strongly encourage you to post what you think about this. is it my original work?

cheesefest

2007-05-20T03:12:00.000Z

i went to cheesefest today with jeremy of jeremy's podcast along with his mother and younger brother. i strapped my camera rig. this means that (almost) everything i was looking at was immortalized in (digital) film. with any luck, the entire several hours will be up on teh internets soon. (just a fun little interjection, my spellchecker recognizes the word "internets" as correct). more than likely, it will probably be a huge file.

and now, just because i can (post it), a guy (not me) beatboing on a flute! he is amazing!

blog description.

2007-05-19T03:38:00.000Z

i recently tried to see what the limit is on the blog description at the top of the page. here is what i wrote (and copied some of it form here ) as a note, the limit is 500 characters. what a shame...

the jottings of me.
and now for some special content.
i am going to attempt to see if this box has a limit on the length of blog description.
a description of my ideal job (job irrelevant). the rock and role adaption of "small flowers, mostly daisies, on a giant spinning wheel being crushed, plucked and torn apart by giant rock monsters consumed in flame" to be plaid on a pipe organ, on a rock crushing machine in a serbian open pit mine. now, to completely over do this, the entirety of 99 bottles of beer on the wall:
99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall.
98 bottles of beer on the wall, 98 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 97 bottles of beer on the wall.
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Take one down and pass it around, 38 bottles of beer on the wall.
38 bottles of beer on the wall, 38 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 37 bottles of beer on the wall.
37 bottles of beer on the wall, 37 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 36 bottles of beer on the wall.
36 bottles of beer on the wall, 36 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 35 bottles of beer on the wall.
35 bottles of beer on the wall, 35 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 34 bottles of beer on the wall.
34 bottles of beer on the wall, 34 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 33 bottles of beer on the wall.
33 bottles of beer on the wall, 33 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 32 bottles of beer on the wall.
32 bottles of beer on the wall, 32 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 31 bottles of beer on the wall.
31 bottles of beer on the wall, 31 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 30 bottles of beer on the wall.
30 bottles of beer on the wall, 30 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 29 bottles of beer on the wall.
29 bottles of beer on the wall, 29 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 28 bottles of beer on the wall.
28 bottles of beer on the wall, 28 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 27 bottles of beer on the wall.
27 bottles of beer on the wall, 27 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 26 bottles of beer on the wall.
26 bottles of beer on the wall, 26 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 25 bottles of beer on the wall.
25 bottles of beer on the wall, 25 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 24 bottles of beer on the wall.
24 bottles of beer on the wall, 24 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 23 bottles of beer on the wall.
23 bottles of beer on the wall, 23 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 22 bottles of beer on the wall.
22 bottles of beer on the wall, 22 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 21 bottles of beer on the wall.
21 bottles of beer on the wall, 21 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 20 bottles of beer on the wall.
20 bottles of beer on the wall, 20 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 19 bottles of beer on the wall.
19 bottles of beer on the wall, 19 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 18 bottles of beer on the wall.
18 bottles of beer on the wall, 18 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 17 bottles of beer on the wall.
17 bottles of beer on the wall, 17 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 16 bottles of beer on the wall.
16 bottles of beer on the wall, 16 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 15 bottles of beer on the wall.
15 bottles of beer on the wall, 15 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 14 bottles of beer on the wall.
14 bottles of beer on the wall, 14 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 13 bottles of beer on the wall.
13 bottles of beer on the wall, 13 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 12 bottles of beer on the wall.
12 bottles of beer on the wall, 12 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 11 bottles of beer on the wall.
11 bottles of beer on the wall, 11 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 10 bottles of beer on the wall.
10 bottles of beer on the wall, 10 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 9 bottles of beer on the wall.
9 bottles of beer on the wall, 9 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 8 bottles of beer on the wall.
8 bottles of beer on the wall, 8 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 7 bottles of beer on the wall.
7 bottles of beer on the wall, 7 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 6 bottles of beer on the wall.
6 bottles of beer on the wall, 6 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 5 bottles of beer on the wall.
5 bottles of beer on the wall, 5 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 4 bottles of beer on the wall.
4 bottles of beer on the wall, 4 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 3 bottles of beer on the wall.
3 bottles of beer on the wall, 3 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 2 bottles of beer on the wall.
2 bottles of beer on the wall, 2 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 1 bottle of beer on the wall.
1 bottle of beer on the wall, 1 bottle of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, no more bottles of beer on the wall.
No more bottles of beer on the wall, no more bottles of beer.
Go to the store and buy some more, 99 bottles of beer on the wall.

jericho

2007-05-19T03:08:00.000Z

Jericho is being canceled! fix this. go forth and sign petitions and the like!

2007-05-14T20:15:00.000Z

Mothers day gifts

The following is a list of the top ten mothers day gifts (in no particular order)

1 chocolate (untouched by FDA docket number 2007P-0085 ). A classic gift that says “mom, I love you so much I baugh you food. Always a good idea.

2 informing her that you chocolate has bean untouched by FDA docket number 2007P-0085 and that the quality of chocolate in this country could go down, and that you did something about this by going to the FDA’s comment page and told them not to.

3 sole winning lato ticket. Need I say more?

4 the knowledge that you did not crash a boat and drown. The best part about this gift is that you get to share in on the fun!

5 the world. So many people wish they could give their mothers the world for mothers day, but if you get started right now, you might actually concur it in her lifetime!

6 delightful baked goods.

7
egg shells with little plants growing in them. Just take an egg shell, fill with dirt, add seed of your choice, water, watch grow.

8 the gift of laughter. (method and results may vary)

9 make her a grandmother (timing of pregnancy may be difficult)

10 a pirated copy of a movie. Protect her right to free information and gift he a DRM free item. (remember to pay the production company so that you get more of it…)

sumer is coming up, and this raises the question of what i should do over it. i have considered taking up bee keeping, as there is nothing i can think of that could be more fun that taking care of thousands of tiny, little insects, each of which is capable of causing great amounts of physical pain!
and now a petition for information: what are the laws regarding bee keeping in the greater shoreline area? (for those who went "aha! he does live above ground, or else he would not ask, he has enough space in his underground volcano to not need to worry," you are wrong. i could do it underground, but then i would not have the splendid buzzing of the bees when i am in the sun, topside, at the location where my little "elevator" meets the surface.)

historical novella project:plans and summeries.

2007-05-14T02:25:00.000Z

boring and sopiolar warning: the following has nothing to do with my usual scribbles, and somewhat to do about my life. there are also spoilers. you have bean warned.

my original idea for my novella was rejected by my english teacher, but a couple of modifications make that all better. the rough draft is due on the 6th of june, and i have three and a half weeks to write it. that is about 6 pages a week, so you can expect a fair abount of content commig through here. for those who don't like it, i hope to have other pieces up as well. any how, the following is the plot outline (along with some descriptions) of my novella.

• Introduce Charles Babbage.
• He is a “shady” merchant, who has violated trade sanctions, taxes etc. and deals with shady people who use slave labor etc. to make their products.
• He also supplies certain “hard to obtain items” that are illegal (I’ll have to look up what exactly that is, probably black market sugar, maybe gunpowder, I think Britain still controlled it at that point.)
• He is greedy. He cares for nothing and no one, he is above the law, and does not care the slightest bit about any suffering cased by his practices and products. The only thing that maters to him are his money, and his business, which he built from the ground up.
• While he has not yet done so, he would kill to keep his business going.
• Physical appearance
• He is middle aged, and in good shape considering.
• While he considers his brain to be his cunning and ruthlessness to be his greatest asset, his is fairly good at physical activities.
• He has black hair, and gray eyes
• He is tall (equivalent of six feet nowadays, don’t know average height then) and thin.
• His height is only accentuated by his unusually good posture
• He wears reading glasses.
• His father was a watchmaker, and he was an apprentice under him for several years before opening his own shop. After a year or so he realized there was a lot of money to be made in being a merchant. Over time he realized he did not have to play by the rules. He thus dislikes the cops as they are an added expense for him.
• One of the murders happens outside his shop. The police com and bring all sorts of unpleasantness unto him. This also causes a drop in business. Charles is much displeased.
• Charles has an epiphany and sets out to hire a private detective.
• Introduce Arthur grey. (probably as he finishes an “investigation” for a gang)
• Arthur was a detective until he ran into allegations of taking bribes and was fired from the police force. His wife divorced him and he did not support her (either due to social reasons if there are any, or else because of his lack of money.) she had to turn to prostitution, and was killed by jack the ripper. While Arthur would like nothing else but to catch Jack, he cannot because he must work at all available hours.
• Arthur is the de facto go to guy for law enforcement under ground. Ganges, criminals etc. all come to him if they need to find out who did something. Because of this, he is able to get information in ways not available to the police force.
• Arthur is world weary and bitter. When is ex-wife died it took most of him with it. He has lost everything. He stopped believing in justice, and is only attempting to survive from day-to-day. He stopped caring about his actions, or the consequences the bring, and is not above killing, though he only strikes back in self defense. He no longer cares about honor, merely about getting the job done. He is smart, and has a touch of Sherlock Holmes.
• Physical appearance:
• Tall, but not as tall as Charles. He has dark brown hair, blue eyes, and is frequently dressed in entirely in black or near black. He has a sallow, somewhat forlorn face, with the look of a man who has seen the cruelty of the world.
• Charles hires Arthur.
• The next day Arthur pokes around out in front of Charles shop. This causes some discontent on the side of Charles, as he is scarring potential customers. Arthur will find a scrap of fabric (just enough to find that it is pants).
• Arthur uses some old police contacts to examine the body. He will find a couple of hairs (dark) in the victims hand. He will also get some details about where she worked)
• Arthur will also manage to get some notes on interviews with witnesses to the murder.
• Arthur then realizes that he knows a hit man by the description given (dark hair, whatever the witnesses say). Arthur informs Charles to this, and Arthur goes to talk to him. (The hit man owes Arthur a favor)
• They go to him to find he was a middle man who contracted several hit men (though they may have gone by a different title then) by gangs in a turf war (or other story depending on what would be plausible at the time). He then tells them whom else he hired.
• After interrogating all but one the other hit men (most of which will probably be implied, could get boring “the all said the same thing, let’s hope this one cracks”) our “heroes” head to talk to the last one on the list they have. This one reveals that the middle-man works for the government, and that he (the hit man) is occasionally hired by him (the middle man) to kill discreetly people of interest to the monarchy.
• Arthur and Charles go back to the contractor, and interrogate him again. After a while Arthur tells Charles that he will not divulge information willingly, and that he may need to torture him. Charles has trouble with this, but ultimately concedes to do so. Arthur leaves the room, and tries to block out the screams of pain from the other room. Charles exits room looking spaced out, shocked etc. (might cut that if it is to violent). Charles reveals that the murders where performed for prince eddy.
• Scene in which a messenger. He checks up on the contractor to find him dead. In his final moments he managed to write out a letter (in code) stating that prince eddy’s secret was out.
• code will probably be rot-13 (make all the letters 13 places more. A=m b=n c=o etc. I’m fairly sure that cipher existed then.)
• Introduce an advisor to prince eddy. One of his charges is to ensure embarrassment does come to the prince. His job is to hide his various affairs. He contemplates how difficult his job is as the prince has another prostitute taken into his room. His various musings include how that lady in India (I’ll have to check that) was one thing, but that this was getting out of hand. Common prostitutes could not be trusted to keep a secret. As he muses, the messenger comes in and tells him about the middle man. Enraged he exits the castle (palace, nice building, whatever princes lived in those days).
• Just as the advisor leaves, Charles and Arthur arrive. They begin to pester the advisor with questions. The advisor realizes they are the ones who found out about prince eddy. He takes them to an abandoned room (dark warehouse style) and the do a Q and A (just a Q and A, nothing the advisor will not try to conceal anything). ultimately Charles and Arthur get the whole truth.
• The next day Arthur goes to Charles shop to find him dead. The door closes, and out comes the hit man they interviewed who apologizes, before raising a gun (if impractical to have a gun, a hand will go over his mouth, and a knife next to his throat, then “sorry”).

Things I will need to know:
• Criminal slang from England in the 1800’s
• Where princes lived.
• Divorce status between husband and wife (is it possible to divorce, does the husband pay alimony, etc.)
• Ganges (all possible info.)
• How corrupt the police where (could you get fired for taking bribes like Arthur?)
• Investigative methods of police at the time. (was there any physical evidence, i.e. scraps of clothing, hair etc.)
• What people would have worn at the time.
• What would be common black market items (which if any drugs, imports etc.)

Appeals for help. I can’t make character descriptions. Every time I try I come up with about 6 feet tall, dark hair, pale white skin. Everyone looks like this in my mind.

i will have this okayed or rejected on monday. *crosses fingers*

Delightful pastry shop.

2007-05-13T02:01:00.000Z

i haven't posted in a few weeks, for which i apologize. i was beset upon by over-zelous teachers, and was swamped with homework the first week. For the second week i was bedridden with a new strain of halitosis, and i spent much of the week recovering. so, without further ado, a new story:

“There is a delightful pastry shop near where I live. It has a picturesque exterior covered in nice, inviting, yellow paint, little pictures of flowers and children, and many other little drawings the bludgeon you over the head with a warm ambience. When one walks inside, welcoming smells of chocolate, yet to be affected by the FDA docket number 2007P-0085 , and apples and berries and so many other delicious things. There is a little display case choc-full of pastries, still steaming and fresh out of the oven, and a little rotating platter of cookies, still warm and gooey from the oven. The people are all so jolly, and happy to serve you, but despite all of these endearing features, it has a dark side.

"This pastry shop exists for the sole purpose of my torment. The real owners are evil, and sadistic, taking great pleasure in causing me pain. They poison their foods so that my friends and family either become raving lunatics, or add “special ingredients” that addict them to their fine, oh so fine, pastries, and will do anything to get more. Right now they yell at me, and do all manner of unpleasant things to me, just to get their next fix of those mouth-watering chocolate cakes, those heavenly pies, with a fruit for every colour in the spectrum (and some for I.R. and U.V.)

"But all is not lost. I have proof that they did this, and all I need to do is take it to the local authorities. I must give it to the authorities.” Said the ding Donald.

“I am the authorities” I told him. “where is your proof that they did this to you.”

“it is behind the…the…” he said, and spoke no more, as his head jerked back, spattering me with blood. I looked up just in time to see a shadowy figure disappearing in the distance.

I cursed the fates, for my tormentors yet again slipped through my fingers. I am jjohn q. smith, the über-detective, and I am on a mission, and cannot be stopped.

illusions

2007-05-07T02:20:00.000Z

i strongly recommend that you scamper down thither and take a look.

2007-05-06T19:39:00.000Z

it has been a while since i updated. sorry, i was swamped with homework. i'll try to be more on top of that.

yesterday, i want to an old Comp USA that is going out of business. by this time, they are selling the store fixtures etc. and i could not resist buying a bunch (nine) of these hooks for hanging items on. the top photo is a close of of several of these and the bottom one is a use i found for them. i may very well be posting more uses later on.

distribution of giant african land snails.

2007-05-03T04:09:00.000Z

found this looking for the natural resources of the african continent (e.g. coal, gold, diamonds etc.)

Spearmint to wintergreen converter.

2007-05-02T00:56:00.001Z

Gather round the fire, just after sunset, and I shall tell you a story of the evils of the candied man.

Once upon a time, the candied man coagulated yet another eldritch plan. He had long known that spearmint and wintergreen were two very different things, and he longed to change that. The candied man soon realized that this would be a long and arduous task, not to be set upon by any mere mortal. Fortunately for him, he was no mere mortal, as he had a touch of greatness in his heart. At first he set about this quest in a rather haphazard, unorganized way, but a variety of developments* soon forced him to work on this full time. After years of diligent research, he managed to amass enough information to be able to build a prototype model.

His model worked splendidly, at a small scale of no more than a micro gramme at a time. He set about to scale this up, and after many more years of research, managed to make a machine capable of converting up to 5 liters a second. After extorting funding from the Nation Science Foundation, the candied man commenced building the monolithic machine. He was just about to press the switch to start the chain conversion reaction when the entire machine disappeared, as though into the air (78% nitrogen, 20%oxygen, .9% argon, .03% carbon dioxide, 1% water vapor and .002 % trace gasses).

The candied man turned around and what did he find? Nothing! His malafactor seamed to have finished with his machine, leaving him with nothing to show for his many years of diligence.

*these include, but are not limited to: bees, morbid obesity, morbidly obese bees, potato chips, several law suits, and the fact that changing spearmint to wintergreen and vice versa is like saying e=π.

Flooding in my laundry room.

2007-05-01T04:00:00.001Z

There was no post on Sunday. Here is why.

I live in a relatively small part of my volcano. This is due to a long standing dispute with some gnomes, and in order to keep them happy I live in a small southwestern corner*.

A long time ago, I got a new washing machine for my cloths. Now the new washing machines have narrower wastewater pipes than my home. To solve this mismatch problem, I put a large tub next to my washing machine, and it empties into the tub, which acts as a buffer for the two pipes. This tub accidentally clogged, and subsequently filled with water, then (as most liquid containers tend to do when full) overflowed into the laundry room. When the laundry room filled up, it flooded on a biblical proportion into my television/scrying orb room. The old and somewhat ugly carpet became waterlogged. This then took upwards of four hours of cleaning to rectify. It was not fun.

*south south west to be overly specific.

beyond the blunderbuss

2007-04-28T22:51:00.001Z

First there was the mace. Then there was the blunderbuss. Now, we introduce this entirely new product that goes above and beyond the blunderbuss!

Gasp as it fires projectiles… in 25 different preset directions… in 4 dimensions! Be amazed as it cuts through your enemies like water on the rocks! Stare as it revolutionizes warfare with a fresh, minty sent. With a fully automated bore hole 15 barleycorns across, and a full 6 shaftments in length, it is capable of sending up to 0xF 7 caliber projectiles per second per barrel for up to 60 minuets per magazine. But it does so much more than just decimate your foes, it does your laundry, quickly and efficiently sorting colours from the whites! It can store up two a weeks worth of nutritious rations, and is capable of grinding three of the five most popular cereal grains (sorghums, barley and wheat). It can even bake breads, pies, cakes, Danish pastries, a variety of other pastries, and homunculi. It comes with 6 standard airbags, a fully loaded v12 400 horsepower engine, with a 2 hogshead gas tank, capable of getting up to 9 chains per butt, and can hit a top speed of five furlongs per fortnight. All this power allows it to convert up to 10 non-believers an hour, without need of a human operator. It can bet the mechanical Turk at chess, and checkers. It can translate, and transliterate, between five languages of your choosing. With an easy to use knob driven interface, all you have to do to operate it is follow the onscreen instructions. The software is clear and simple to understand, and can be used by a complete technical novice. It even comes with standard leather seats, so you, the customer, can cruse in style.

No other product offers so many features, or as much comfort, for such a low price! Buy one now and receive another half off.*

*Offer only valid in the united states of America, excluding the state of hawai’i, Ca’nada, excluding the province of Quebec.

what we have come to.

2007-04-28T22:01:00.000Z

we have a "guest" story this time frame. this is the public domain piece "what we have come to" by Lord Dunsany.

When the advertiser saw the cathedral spires over the downs in the distance, he looked at them and wept.

"If only," he said, "this were an advertisement of Beefo, so nice, so nutritious, try it in your soup, ladies like it."

prliminary novella idea

2007-04-27T20:18:00.000Z

jack the ripper.
Set in late 1800’s England. Jack the ripper is killing prostitutes. Our main character is either a bystander or a detective (or a combination of the two). If bystander he will be a butcher. If detective s/he will either be laid off for being a crazy conspiracy theorist, or on par with Sherlock holms. I could use Sherlock Holmes (it is in the public domain).

The main character will be earth a random bystander or a detective. They will uncover a clue, and ultimately figure out a clue that leads him/her to find a killer. After an interrogation, they discover it was multiple men. S/he track them down, and finds that they are all agents of the government. As time goes on, they uncover a governmental conspiracy. We will find that the prostitutes are either aliens or spy’s (or maby alien spies …from Russia).

note this is a preliminary idea, it may or may not be accepted, and will probably be changed. other possibilities included following deaf people in nineteenth century america. i may yet find a way to include aliens...

2007-04-27T01:18:00.000Z

while I furtively compile my next article, I leave you to ponder why hooded sweatshirts don't come with hoods on both sides. I still haven't figured it out. if you think the answer is "because it would obscure your face" wear one backwards, then answer again.

a languishing mind is a horrable thing

2007-04-26T19:32:00.000Z

“oh dear lord in heaven” cried the book binder.
“oh hear my cry” he gasped in despair, for he had mercury poisoning.
Rewind 24 hours
The book binder who would soon be writhing around on the floor, gasping his final breaths, went to work. He started by printing paper, and then he bound the paper into little leaflets, and pressed them together, and glued them to cloth, and added covers, and then hand illuminated the covers, and wrote no them in gold leaf, and then dusted the sides of the paper with golden paint, and doted all of the i’s with diamonds, and set rubies and sapphires into the spine, and set a border around the title in diamonds, and emeralds, and rubies and other precious stones, for he was the best bookbinder in the land, and he was making a tome that would be unparalleled thought the land. As he worked, he was watched, watched by a little pixie.
Rewind 24 more hours
the pixie, by the name of sir maldrich had finished poking the good sir maltrich, when suddenly he was stricken by boredom, so much so, that he stopped flaying, bounced off of a pig, and landed in a bucket of muck. The pig was not hurt. This did nothing to ease his boredom. He tried rolling around in the muck. When this failed, he decided to to torment who ever had the most boring job he could find. After 30 minuets of searching, he found the book binder.
Fast forward about 48 hours.
The book binder died, in a pool of glue ,in the floor, under a table, in his workshop, in a land, a magical land, about a mile away from the client who had ordered his master piec, which lay on the table above the boo binder’s body, wdich lay unfinished, missing a single jewel. As this was a magical land, this was a magical tome. This tome would, once completed grant any one who touched it immortality. The pixie did not know this, so he laughed, his mind re invigorated, and he flew away with a twinkle in his mischievous eye.

chocolate

2007-04-24T22:44:00.000Z

All the people of the land of gelp love chocolate. All of them. All of the people down at the market knew this, and the made the best chocolate in the land. This made the people happy, and the kept buying the chocolate that the candy guild made.

Then there was the candy man. He was not a jolly candy maker, but was a vile, despicable person. Rather than make real candy, he made fake candy, like mocklate. No one liked his candy, and no one bought his candy. This made him bitter, and cruel. One day he hatched an evil plan.

A few weeks later, queen mauve was eating her chocolate. Something was wrong. She couldn’t quite place it. It was greasy, and didn’t taste right, and didn’t melt the way chocolate was supposed to. She didn’t really know why, but this wasn’t good chocolate, but she didn’t let that bother her. She was not alone. All throughout the land of gelp, people found their chocolate to be bad. Some complained. Most just shrugged and went about their day.

Slowly, the rate of heart attacks went up. And slowly, the national average for obesity went up to. Kids got fatter, adults got fatter, and across every age and demographic group, more people died. Soon the entire land of gelp went from its cheery self, to a pallid and sickly people, bereft of laughter.

As this worsened, more people died, until the crops where unattended, and cows just died in their fields, feral cats roamed across the land, and travelers hurried along, eager do get to the next town, and many avoided the land of gelp entirely. After a few years, the only surviving woman in the land of gelp died. All that was left was a ghost town, through which no one traveled, nor even set foot in for a thousand years.

What was the candied man’s eldritch plan? He replaced all of the chocolate with mocklate. All he had to do wall give the candy makers hydrogenated oils instead of coco butter to reak havoc on the town. Fortunetly, this will never happen, as the candied man never formulates his mischievous plan, and the land of gelp remained a merry and happy place for many milenia.

Unfortunaly, this is happening in America. For those of you who don’t live in America, you can tune out for the rest of this post, for those who do, take notes! The F.D.A., who regulates what can be called, and thus sold as, chocolate. They are considering changing the deffanition of chocolate to no longer require coco butter to make. While I don’t consider the land of gelp to be an allegory for the united states, this very well could happen to us! DO NOT LET THE F.D.A. MESS WITH OUR CHOCOLATE!!!! Contact them right now! just follow this link to comlane directly to the F.D.A. or click here to learn more.

for the sake of your chocolate, you country, the people you love, all that is good and holy in the world, and you god(s)(if chocolate is not one of them) tell the F.D.A. to relax the restrictions on our chocolate! do not delay!!!

earth day.

2007-04-22T17:52:00.000Z

it's earth day today. while i don't plan on doing anything today (i am swamped with homework) i do plan on doing something tomorrow (it has just as many 24 hours).

in the mean time, i post a new linky regarding earthday. enjoy!

just weird.

2007-04-22T16:24:00.000Z

one wonders where they got the MRI machine to do this. let me make sure I'm not the only one thinking this, but those are expensive.

the land of gelp becomes (5*10-7)º off

2007-04-21T19:06:00.000Z

One of the many problems confronting queen mauve in the land of gelp was tilting. The town boasted it’s straightness. It was perfectly perpendicular, and won several awards for it. But one day that all changed.

On a Thursday in late summer, the town angle measurer woke up early. He had had a hard time sleeping. He crawled out of bed, and dragged himself into the kitchen where he ate an egg and some toast. When he was done, he brushed his teeth, donned a jacket and went to work. He measured the castle, but it was off by a third of a degree. He checked it again. Still off by 5*10^-7 degrees. Then he checked the ground around the castle. Also off 5*10^-7 degrees. He checked the shops, they were of by 5*10^-7 degrees. Then he began to panic. He ran around measuring all of the land of gelp. No matter where he went, it was always 5*10^-7 degrees off of the perpendicular. He didn’t know what to do.

In lue of a better option, the town angle measurer panicked. He panicked of better part of an hour. When he was done, he had another egg. Hard boiled. It was perfect, just the right hardness, with a light and fluffy youlk, and not even the slightest tinge of grey. He decided to tell the queen.

Just outside of the queens throne room, the town angle measurer steeled himself. He stepped inside.

He was thrown off by the shear amount of pink.

“Wow” he said.

“do you like how I redecorated?” asked the queen.

“Its very pink” noted the angle measurer.

“yes it is. Did you come for a reason or did you come to comment on my pink room of world renown?” she inquired.

At this, the town angle measurer broke down. “o! my fair queen, a thousand apologies for burdening you heart with such a tragic turn of events, o! woeful day! The town is 5*10^-7 degrees off of perpendicular!”

“who is responsible for this?” shouted the queen.

“I know not, my liege, I shall begin an inquire at once!” he resolved. He strode forth from the throne room and went strait to the knight-detective Amiagug. Amiagug called several assistants, and the assistants called friends, and those friends called friends, and soon the entire land of gelp was in an uproar.

The knight-detective Amiagug set to work immediate after that. After a long and complicated process that only he seamed to understand, the knight-detective Amiagug strode to the northern border of the land of gelp, right up to the mountains of terror, and there he found the candied man.

The candied man tried to make the knight-detective Amiagug go away, but he remained undeterred. When the knight-detective Amaigug finaly sidestepped the candied man, he found a stack of small chocolate mints holding the town up. The knight detective Amaigug removed the three mints, and the town was back to normal again.

writers notes:
5*10^-7 is scientific notation for 0.0000005. +10 points to anyone who can figure out how long the land of gelp is form south to north if the mints used where .5 cm tall. (the approximate hight of an andes mint . originally the town was going to be off by .3 degrees, but this would take 29.9995 m of mints, or about 3140 mints (note: I make a mistake on this math, so don't use this to find the length of the land of gelp). after much deliberation, I decided on this.

free information and alphabet soup.

2007-04-21T05:58:00.000Z

so, the reason I write to this blog is because I believe in free information. I believe we cannot own thoughts, concepts etc. now, that is easy to say when you are the one getting the free movies, songs, and books, but harder when you write those movies, songs, and books. as mahatma Gandhi said "you must be the change you wish to see in the world." so here i am, writing and creating information, and making it free. you can do what ever you want, I would prefer that you credit me, and someday I would like to get paid for what I do. in the mean time, I'm fine with supporting a philosophy I agree with, in the best way one can.

for these reasons, I would like to thank, and encourage NBC, CBS, and fox, along with any other networks that are putting their shows online for free. it's not high-quality video, and the pirated versions are better (or so I hear), and you can't redistribute them, but it is a start. it is a step on a road that will lead to a better world. I will be providing links to them in the coming days, I encourage you to visit them, and buy from their sponsors, as showing that this business model works will help this cause.

an experiment

2007-04-20T18:31:00.000Z

i am eager to try out a new html tag (or to learn it at all.)

my experiment failed utterly.

story to follow.

über-swearword!

2007-04-20T15:40:00.000Z

warning: expletive.

i am combining all swear words into one über-swearword!

shifubibada!

my house

2007-04-19T23:19:00.001Z

Astute readers/listeners of a verity of blogs / podcasts will have noticed that a group of people:
1 stated live near each other, and
2 live in the Puget sound area.
3 I am one of those people.

Not very helpful for hopeful stalkers. I, of course, support all hobbies so long as they don’t hurt any one in any way, so I decided to tell you a bit about my house.

I live in an under ground volcano. Not just under the ground, or on a volcano, or even under a volcano (like many evil creatures and people. It is too cliché). No, I live in an underground volcano, as in the volcano is under ground , and I live in it.

Now, you may be asking yourself, how does he live in an underground volcano, is he not human. The I am indeed human, and I can live under my volcano because the volcano is special. See, my volcano, rather than giving off sulfurous gasses or noxious fumes, bubbles oxygen, with a bit of nitrogen, helium and hydrogen, with small traces of other elements, with minimal contaminants. that’s right, air. In fact it is even purer than the air that is available above ground.

The next question I’m sure you have is, how does he see. Well, there are tow answers, the first is rather mundane (for a volcano), the magma is so hot, it emits a red glow. The other half is another thing that makes my volcano special. There are many, oh so many, glowing fungi, that populate the walls and roof of my enormous cavern. They are much like stars, only brighter, and the fade completely, without being replaced by a sun, every twelve hours or so. For indoor locations (not the enormous cavern), the rocks glow, but only in the presence of outside air, all I have to do is close the windows and the rocks stop glowing.

And the third question that I know that you are burning to ask (my prognostication skills are paying off. For those of you who say that you where not burning to ask this question, know this: you where in your subconscious). How do I get to the surface to buy groceries? Well, I do not actually need groceries, see, across the lake of magma, there is a farm, run by a nice old man named mr. jib. He provides me with a wide variety of foods, some from above ground, and some that only grow below the surface. In return, I give him special rocks that only I know how to find. Despite this, I still need to go to the surface every now and again, and for this, I us an old lava tube. I am lifted up, and lowered down by a couple of mystical, and ancient, rabbits, the two Easter bunnies of world renown. They are not available for this service on the day leading up to Easter, so you will have to spelunk a mile down to see me. I advise waiting.

(as for the thing about stalkers, I am not really that fond of them. Please, if you are a stalker, only stalk small animals, and only long enough to tap them on the head with a small stick, then run away.)

historical novella: introduction.

2007-04-19T15:27:00.000Z

in english class we are starting an assignment that last until the end of the year (which is decided by the movement of the clouds and other weather patterns that even my advanced knowledge of prognostication methods has yet to decipher, let alone mere mortals). we are to write a novella 20-25 pages in length, and it must be set in or before World War 2. partly to provide content, and partly to keep me honest about doing this assignment, i am going to post every step i take regarding this. with any luck, by the end of the year i will have written a novel for your enjoyment.

the only thing i ask here is that any content that comes off of this wait until august to reproduce, just so that i can be done with it. i also encourage comment on what i am doing good and bad on, and i have permission to use them to help my project.

in other news, rachel, from the blog are you awake? just yelled at me for telling her how to close her HTML tags (she claims that she already knew...). and i am going to start sailing, so expect more nautical terms in my writing (jib, vang, and bilg) extra credit to the first person i don't know who can name all of the terms i just listed.

those air fresheners

2007-04-19T15:13:00.000Z

so, my mom bought a two pack of "pumpkin spice" flavored (yes, flavored, i'll get into that) air fresheners. so, i strapped one into my backpack ant went to school. while i waited in the library for school to start (still waiting, by the the way, some kids have to take the Washington Assessment of Student Learning or WASL) i pulled the bag off, and nearly everyone died. it was overpoweringly strong(thus the "flavored"). so, we concocted a plan to rob a store.

1 just buy 30 or forty trees, take of the bags, put them into a large plastic zip-lock style bag, and walk into a store.
2 put on gas mask.
3 pull out all of the air fresheners, and break them in half, and through like they are grenades.
4 when every one goes unconscious, loot the store.

a picture of me

2007-04-18T04:11:00.000Z

it occurs to me that i have not yet posted a picture of my self so that you know what i look like. so here it is!

tada!

a new story would be up, but my brother stole the lappy it was on. it will be up tommarrow.

in other news...

i will be participating in the day of silence day tomarrow, wednessday the 18 of april 2007. with any luck, i won't actualy say anything all day.

2007-04-17T16:15:00.000Z

i made this little sticker this mourning. it says "i love little severin" based off of frank key's little severin the mystic badger.

Queen mauve learns to fly.

2007-04-16T21:48:00.000Z

Once upon a time there was a queen named queen mauve, and she was the reigning monarch in all the land of gelp. She had no husband, so she was all alone. She ruled over the people fairly, and was liked by all. If ever there was a schism between two or more political parties in the land of gelp, queen mauve would figure out a suitable middle ground. One day, she decided that the mass transportation system needed an overhaul. She then listened to her top advisers, her not top advisers, several experts on the topic, a couple of u.s. senators, the heads of the various political parties, and many of the people on the street. After a long and arduous process, she had narrowed her options to three.

The first option was to build a viaduct. The second option was to use trains. The third and final option was to use busses, and allocate roads that only the busses could use. She tried to figure which one to use. She asked her top advisors, but they were split between the three, so were her not top advisers, and all the experts on the topic, the u.s. senators, and the heads of the political parties. After a long pause she decided to put it up to a vote open to the general public. When all the votes had bean counted, and re counted, re voted due to allegations of election fraud, lost, found, re-written on to red pieces of paper rather than blue, and then counted again, the population was still divided equally between the three. All the people in the land waited to hear her answer, so she went into a quite and empty room, sat on the ground

Just then, leprechaun materialized and told her that he would grant her one wish. she asked “why are you a leprechaun and not a genii?”

“genies give you three wishes, I only give you one” he explained, somewhat exasperated.

“yes, but why do I only get one wish” “she inquired.

“because I am a leprechaun.” He reiterated.

“why are you a leprechaun?” she queried.

“because of my mom.” He said, somewhat abashed.

Queen mauve gave up trying to find out why she had bean sent a leprechaun and not a genii. She thought long and hard about what to wish for. She thought of the problems besetting her people, war, famine, and droughts. She thought of he personal problems, her brother, her lack of husband and many other things. Then she said.

“I want to learn how to fly!”

and the leprechaun waved his arms around in the air and said so magical words, and disappeared. Queen mauve leapt over to the giant four poster bed and tore of a bed sheet. She ran to the balcony, and stood very still, holding the bed sheet over he head. after a second, she adjusted her grip so that her hands where three quarters of the way between the corners, on the long end, and so the majority trailed out behind her. Then she jumped into the air, and the bed sheet lifted he away and she flew around the city.

When she landed, she went back inside, folded up the bead sheet, issued forth from the room she had bean in, and addressed her people, for she had made a diccision.

what actualy happend

2007-04-16T00:26:00.000Z

so, as it turns out my prognostication methods need a lot of fine tuning. not only was i wrong about yesterday's story, but i was wrong about my english essay. i got it done with only a couple of hours work, around 13:00 local time (21:00 GMT)(no story because mario distracted me. he started it). it 'twas a piece of pastry/confection. if it was a pastry, it would not be a vegan pastry, it has to have eggs. unless of course it was designed to be vegan (my preferences, vegans can eat what they want), but if it is supposed to have eggs, then it will have eggs. same with milk. and no skimping on the milk/creem. if it is supposed to have cream, no nonfat creme, it must have creme, no exceptions. if you are dieting, just eat a little less. as the old axiom goes, if it's worth doing, it's worth doing right. and as for confection, mass produced is ok, but it had better be a good product. i mean if it is worth only a piece of confection, it had better be a good confection, because i am not going on a diet any time soon.

hopefully my prognostication method will work this time. i switched over from intense concentration and self reflection (used for last predictions made) and made it intense study of my surroundings, cross-referenced with past experience, and by date of birth, chinese zodiac sign (monkey), the positions of the stars when i was born, bird calls, omens, tea leaves (replaced with coffee dregs, i am not overly fond of tea), spoke coming off of a fire, and \ cryptic windows error messages. with any luck, my predictions will be more accurate.

how to keep your locker god happy

2007-04-14T21:50:00.000Z

as it turns out, my prognostication methods need some fine tuning. i dug up this old piece i wrote in or around september.

In all lockers there dwells a god. Not a large god, and not a god for monotheists, but a god nonetheless. This god’s form changes according to the beliefs of the locker user. This god can be male, female, or none of the above.

This god owns the locker. There is a different god for each locker. Your godly beliefs and favors will travel with you, be nice to you seventh grade god, and, just like karma, you r deeds will automatically travel to your next locker god.

Your locker god should be kept happy. Talking to it, or leave it offerings will accomplish this. Happiness on the part of you god is beneficial to you. When your god is happy, it will spread its happiness to other gods. These gods could be god, the gods of you grades, or paycheck, or any other deity or demigod who may be near by, in cosmic terms. The gods of you grades (or paycheck) dwell wherever grades (or paycheck) are kept, regardless of the system, computes, file cabinets, and all the rest are under their purvey. when happy, the gods of your grades/paycheck they keep might “accidentally” change your grades/paycheck up a percent or two.

Offerings to your locker god can be anything that will fit in that locker. The offering should be of some value to you, but does not have to be a sacrifice. Hand made offerings are preferable, as it shows you put some time and effort into your god and shows that you must like it. Don’t put to much stuff in your locker, not even deities like clutter. Change you offerings every so often. Let the god appreciate it, then swap out the old stuff with now stuff. Be creative! Gods get hungry, so feed them. Food can be either healthy meals, or candies (chocolate is good). Change the food every week or so, when the god is done eating it.

schedule (to be pronounced the brittish way)

2007-04-14T21:04:00.000Z

well, spring break is ending. i have today (saturday) and tomorrow (sunday) to write a paper, and a script for a commercial in spanish. i promise that the final versions (with subtitles for the second one) will be posted here. the commercial should be rather surreal if i have any say in the matter. so, expect little scribbling for the next couple of days.

it will be interesting to see how a school schedule will help/hinder my writing. on one hand, it will give me a schedule where i know when i will sit down and get it done, on the other hand, it will make me busy and give me less time to write/blag.

well, i can hear my english essay calling.

zlotnian calculator

2007-04-14T03:51:00.000Z

i own a fine zlotnian calculator. truely a wanderfull invention, and has saved me many a time in math club. no true mathamatician is complete without one.

according to my reaserch, the company responsible for brining such a vital impliment into classrooms and machematicians pockets is keuffel and esser co. while this majestic calculator's history remains a bit of an enigma, i continue to use it on a daily basis, and encourage you to as well. not a day goes by when i do not thank my lucky stars for such a gift. these paltry words cannot come close to expressing my gratitude for such a revolutionary device.

thank you keuffel and esser co.!

The basketball in the pond.

2007-04-13T02:42:00.000Z

Hark! O’er yonder hill! There is a pond! A pond! A pond with sludge!

Sang the children.

But not billy pep. For billy pep was mute. This did not please his teatures. They would poke and prod use behavioral modification. But to no avail. He just sat by the pond, and
Didn’t sing and didn’t sing. And didn’t sing.

One day, one beautiful, blue day, he was sitting in a basketball court, and a basketball bludgeoned him on the head. He arose, shouted for joy, picked up the basketball and threw it in the pond with the sludge.

Then he cried:

“and lo, I speak oh joyous day. It has bean many a year that I have gone without a word!”

and thus little billy pep learned to talk.

new stories later. i might also publish some old notebooks (maybe as far back as 2003)

a quick distraction

2007-04-13T01:48:00.000Z

so, i recently apeared under my pseudoname, "ja'son" on jeremy's podcast.

no, a quick little shoutout, i would like to thank my first reader, that i know of, who was not a friend of mine! w00t!
addmittedly, i was chastised for my spelling of hooting yard "hooting yand" you can find a link on the side of this page. over there.

what's that, you can't find it?

well you're not looking hard enough!

fine, it's over there in the corner. look, if you're that incompatent, you should go back to school. i know it's not fun, i go there too. seriously, i do. look, if you still can't find it, i'll come over to your house and help you, if you pay for it.

anywhay, a new story thing will be up soon.

2007-04-10T19:51:00.000Z

"it is an army bread for a single purpose: to destroy the world of men"
-aragorn

60 hours

2007-04-09T21:15:00.000Z

so, i didn't tell you yesterday when it was that i got to sleep. i apologize for this. se, i didn't get to sleep 'till 21:00 local (5:00 gmt) and had bean awake for over 60 hours. at this point i had gotten a call from a friend , without remembering it. so, you can immagine why i didn't tell my devout readers. ah well...

anyway, i stayed up for 60 hours!! without caffine!!! w00t!!!!!

48 hours

2007-04-08T14:34:00.000Z

i have successfully stayed awake for 48 hours, without caffeine. this facade started at 6:10 on friday, and i officially reached this landmark at 6:10 on sunday.

what i have learned.
1, there is little programing on any channel
2) those channels with programing, it is rarely good.
c; one of the most frequent commercials (for those channels that actually have programing) advertise various sleep medication/insomnia cures.
4 everything is several times funnier after the fist 30 hours of so.
00101, night time is harder than day time regardless of how long you have bean awake.
6. mindless tasks should be left for nighttime. e.g. watching t.v, leave something more sophisticated like reading a book for later in the day.
g, the twilight zone is a really good show.

i will continue to stay awake at all hours for a while. i will tell you when i finally go to bed.